and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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