party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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