Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
