He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
