Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
