i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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