Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
