Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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