I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
