there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
