well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
