just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
