So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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