Banned from zoo.
Again?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
