Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Farmville is her only friend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
