I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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