Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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