I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
