I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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