were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
