I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
