my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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