If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize