I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
