You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
soo... how was my night?
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