Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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