i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
