yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
