you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
