It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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