Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
