Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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