i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
please come you make the beer taste better
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
