dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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