Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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