when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize