dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
