Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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