dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
