Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
