Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize