Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
