the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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