What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
