Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
