it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
