remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
