update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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