And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
