I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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