LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
