The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
