I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
