I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
