Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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