Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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