There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
