I molested 6 butterflies tonight
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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