I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
